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How to Annoy

  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 11x17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
  4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others
  5. Sing along at the opera
  6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
  7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".
  8. Practice making fax and modem noises
  9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
  10. Finish all sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
  11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  12. Disammemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.
  13. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
  15. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  17. Honk and wave to strangers
  18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
  19. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
  20. type only in lowercase.
  21. dont use any punctuation either
  22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
  24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  25. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
  26. Ask people what gender they are
  27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  28. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage".
  29. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme
  31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psycological profiles".
  32. Tell your friend 4 days prior, that you can't attent their party because you're not in the mood.
  33. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

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